Reply To: Do I have adult ADD, am I in denial? is there a telephone/online specialist?

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#78674
amrahs
Participant

This is me or my doppelganger!
Oh, I signed up for this forum recently. I am sorry in advance but this is my first post and it is like sharing my story (as if it were unique :)). Reading through some of those and found myself reading this as if I wrote this. 007 is just me. I learnt about my possible ADD an year ago (long story, why I am not medicated). Here are some of the things about me. I am by some measures quite successful but I wonder really how much. My case is a bit curious (to me at least reading about others).

Not to brag about but there are some things I want to mention before I go on. I have found myself to be very good at math, problem solving and puzzles-aptitude.

I was seen as one of the brightest in my class till 16. In fact, I was a fast tracker. I was in a premier technical school at the age of 16. Then it took a turn for worse. Here are some highlights of that time, before and after too:
1) I couldn’t pay attention to details. There were just too many books. I would read only what I liked – for examples books of other disciplines, etc.
2) I passed mostly with borderline marks. Teachers and peers wouldn’t believe the marks I scored as they thought highly of me.
3) I almost “didn’t” get my “great” first job because they had a cutoff mark which I couldn’t achieve. To this date I don’t know why they accepted me. I have a feeling that I scored well in their aptitude test which they couldn’t ignore. So, I had a well paying job at 20 (insanely lucky).
4) For most of my 15 years of career, I have mostly worked much longer hours out of interest for this field. Now I realized, it was more because I was always distracted and I just needed too long to finish even what I liked (we are talking an average of 12 hours a day).
5) By the way, during my whole schooling and college life, I couldn’t ever finish my paper and would be watching other kids writing their answers in exams. I was just too distracted.
6) Now, with wife and two little kids, I am finding under a mountain of unfinished trivial but necessary tasks which I never do. There are plumbing repairs I promised my wife that I didn’t do in two years. My office room is so cluttered 75% of times that I can’t step in without stepping on some paper or another.
7) All my life, I have felt that I am the most worthless person (have been successful and have had very good and kind friends, still). I have journals full of self critique and pity.
8) Procrastinations: I may have a record as well like 007. Just last week, I had a presentation to the President of my company, and I found myself preparing for it the midnight before the meeting even though I had 10 days to prepare. Another example is that after being diagnosed about 14 months ago by a doctor, I am yet to share it with my wife. You guys know it before her :(. I had promised myself that I would tell her first and then decide on medication. Never got there.
9) Oh one more thing which I really hate. I love books but I can’t read them… I 100-pager book would take about 2 months for me to read.

So, how did I find out. My son (4 then) started showing very clear signs of ADD. I read. Then I came to know that one of the parents may have been so and also the other symptoms matched with my own.

One thing I would like to point out. For why my general life may have looked (to my friends and family) alright so far. I am just guessing. I meditate a little since my childhood. Maybe it has helped me keep a little tab my haphazard brain. I had to put effort, no doubt. It makes me wonder, will I be better with medication – meaning, will I achieve more. I am sorry, I think I should be satisfied compared to other people’s agony here. At least, I could do well for myself so far. I want to know if medication helps or hurts.