Reply To: Anger at surprises- are we dating ? Confused

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Adults Relationships Anger at surprises- are we dating ? Confused Reply To: Anger at surprises- are we dating ? Confused


I had a long talk with her. I’m pretty hurt. So she denies ever professing her feelings. I heard them as real as I write this. Her actions have been off and on, like a switch. I explained as her freind I was trying to learn more about her ADHD, and that was to help communicate and understand her more effectively.

She was stuck on what had happened after what occurred between us. I then told her I have been confused since that time as well, as her ( professed) feelings toward me contradicted what she said we would be. She then stated as she did before I wasn’t her type. It would never happen again, because I’m not her Preference/ type-wise. Which just makes me throw my hands up, of in my head” why do you even do a damn thing with me.” It’s very upsetting. I get a double standard.

I explained to her that my actions of late come from, my love and care I have had for her since along time ago, it never changed. I was her freind and always have. I was more reserved back then, because She and I were in other relationships. I felt that my moving on from that old relationship allows me to be whom I truly am, a loving caring person, and that would not change. I do things for my freinds, nice things with no expectations. I told her that I’m not ready to be in relationship with anyone, (I said that after she hurt me with preferences comment.) I told I don’t want to lose her friendship nor miss out on doing things together, but I where we stand has not been making sense.

A couple times, I saw the blank look. When I talked about my past relationship.

I put myself out. It was a convoluted mess.
Her actions say one thing, and then words another. I left on somewhat decent terms. Then later heard from her again, she was clearly upset about something, and I tried my best to listen. Her issues( drama) later resolved and then right back to cold. She would not tell me why she was frantic and upset.

I’m here for her. Always have been, but I’m pretty hurt- I don’t know what to do anymore.. she knows I love her, and care about her. If she wants a relationship then yes, but I want no confusion as to where we are as couple. I had no expectations of relationship, but thought if it happened “ awesome.”