Thank you for your response.
We do have a therapist that works with our family. She specifically tries to help with these issues. And yes, we do the other things you’ve suggested. I admit I’m not feeling very hopeful. What do you do when you’ve tried everything you can think of and things are still so unkind and tense? Do you just require they be as quiet as you can? “No talking unless you can be kind?” And then when they just can’t hold their words inside, THEN what?