I’m sorry you’re going through this with your family. All you can do is try to educate people about ADHD. Often, they aren’t open to it and no amount of talking will change their minds. Other times, a little education here and there starts to make a difference and they start to come around. I’ve seen several people ask their families to read “You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Crazy, or Stupid?!” and it helped a great deal.
Intense sensitivity to perceived criticism and rejection is common with ADHD. I’m wondering if you are perceiving it more intensely than they intend it. You’ve had a lifetime of thinking something was “wrong” with you and feeling judged about your differences. That can create an emotional wall. I’m not offering this information to discount your feelings — only to say that may be a part in how intensely you are feeling their actions.
It takes time to break/change family patterns that have been going on for decades…
ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism