I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Have you received an actual diagnosis and started a treatment plan? If not, that would be my first suggestion. Also, counseling will help work through some of your hurt and anger in a productive way.
As for your children, I would stop trying to get them on a “side” and simply offer them love and acceptance even if they’re not offering that to you. Sometimes we people with ADHD can be insensitive (and sometimes cruel) without realizing it or meaning to. We can also be a lot to handle, particularly if we’re not getting treatment. When we try to talk to our family and friends about our diagnosis, we have to be careful not to make it sound like a scapegoat for all our bad behavior (i.e. I can’t help my behavior, I have ADHD). Make it very clear that you are not using it as an excuse to justify your past/current behavior, but instead a lense for them to see this behavior through. We are still accountable for our bad behavior, even if it’s rooted in ADHD. This is why a treatment plan is so important.
I hope you can find some peace and repair the relationships with your children. Hugs.