Oh. My. God. MattColo, we may be the same person. You just described me to a T. I would add “Why do I pick fixate on issues and then pick fights with people only because my brain needs the stimulation.”
A mood stabilizer has helped with a lot of the personal issues, but it will never change who I am fundamentally. I’ve tried to simply accept and love myself for my positives (passionate, intelligent, social, kind, generous, loyal, creative) and forgive myself and work on my negatives (short-tempered, low-patience, messy, disorganized, bit of a spaz). Some days are better than others, but now that I FINALLY have a diagnosis at the age of 41, I can work on the things I can change and find ways to manage the things I can’t. There are others out there like you, though, and I feel your pain!