Reply To: Teen admittedly quit trying at school

Penny Williams

On your question about role-playing apps, start a new thread with that question so people who relate will see it and respond.

On the school struggles…
Have you requested the evaluation for an IEP in writing? If not, use this sample letter and do so ASAP:

Free Sample Letter to Request an IEP/504 Evaluation

If you have requested in writing and every request has been ignored, that’s a violation of the law (IDEA) and unacceptable. Escalate this issue until you are heard. Take it to the school principal first, then the Director of Special Education for your school board, then the superintendent, then the state department of education’s special education or exceptional children’s department. If you can hire an educational advocate to help, please do so.

The messages they are giving your daughter at school are very detrimental and ruining her mental health. My son went to a charter school in 6th grade that was based on experiential learning and the growth model. Their interpretation of the growth model was basically that nothing is ever good enough. That if you don’t want to edit, and edit, and re-write, and edit some more, you are just lazy, because you’re supposed to be growing and improving always (of course, on paper and at recruitment meetings, it sounded like the golden ticket for my kiddo — learned the hard truth when he was there). This led to a huge escalation in anxiety, to the point that he was self-harming to get sent home. He had never self-harmed before, and hasn’t since leaving that school.

Our kids being misunderstood is one of the most damaging things. Truly.

Jerome Schultz has a great book on school stress and avoidance called Nowhere to Hide. I highly recommend it. Here’s a bit of it:

Why School Stress Is Toxic for Children

ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism