You are very much describing my childhood and my 4th grade, 2e daughter’s experiences. I also hit my wall in middle school and very clearly remember my teacher telling me that she was worried about me (I think because she thought I was lazy). I had no medication, no accommodations, and no counseling or any help. My mom was a single mom who did the best she could.
My daughter is on an IEP and it helps, but she has such trouble with even starting her work at school, and due to that, what she ends up with for homework is crazy.
The struggle I’m having now is that she’s in the gifted academy and even with the accommodations it just feels so overwhelming. I almost feel like she needs a para to keep her going at school. I’m not sure pulling get out will help or not – she had trouble with this in general education. My daughter loves the project based learning, but I don’t think she’d have nearly the homework. We’re revisiting this at the end of the year.
I completely understand the pain you have in watching your daughter struggle the way you did. Part of me wants to shut down, but of course, that’s not an option. I am essentially getting an additional grade school education with the side by side help she requires at home.
I agree with the other comment about ensuring she had an activity she enjoys and where she can excel. My daughter loves drama, so she’s in a little song and dance group that only rehearses 2 hours a week and has maybe 3-4 performances a semester. She loves it and she shines!
I have told others that trying to help her is like trying to teach her a language I don’t know.
I know I don’t have much to say that you don’t already know, but please remember that you are not alone in your struggle.