Reply To: Telephone Avoidance

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bunneyoo
Participant

(Just quickly, I signed up just to reply to this! – I now see that many others have done the same also haha ❤️ it feels amazing to be a part of something. So thank you everybody ☺️)

I can’t believe how much validation reading this thread has given me. I’m not a freak. I’m a 30yr old woman (who was only diagnosed with ADD 18mths ago, & am now), medicated on Dexamphetamines, & they help me immensely in MOST areas of my life… as do my antidepressants, anti-anxieties, & antipsychotics. Same with my pain medication… they ALL work to a certain extent unfortunately, so there’s still always a little work for US to do ourselves.

I don’t answer calls, at all. I very rarely listen to my voicemails because they fill me with the same anxieties of the phone.
My fear goes as far as that my MOTHER is now my legal representative on the phone, to all authorities like the government (I’m on the disability pension), centrelink, phone companies etc, she makes my weekly dr appt’s AND *goes* to those for me (when it’s just scripts, which is 99.99999% of the time. I only see him when it’s necessary each 6months to legally re-new my dex and oxy scripts, & for referrals)

I also CANNOT answer the door. It’s more triggering to me than when my phone rings – because you can just leave your phone ringing.
Someone at the DOOR is extremely confronting, & I always be quiet & hide
(even if my tv is on FULL M blast & they know someone’s home)
I’d rather them leave a note to have to pick up a package from the post office (no matter how much I’m DYYYYYING to receive what they’re trying to deliver)
I’d rather wait for my mum to go to the post office and pick it up for me when she gets time.

I have tremendous guilt over my head specific fears, as it puts so much pressure on my mum. I won’t even speak to my FAMILY on the phone.
And when it comes to friends….they eventually fade aaat because they think it’s pointless with me 😔☹️ I do explain my situation but it’s not good enough for them unfortunately.
I have no friends except for my best friend from kindergarten who lives interstate & has been travelling the world for the past 7years.
I only WISH we went to the same highschool so that perhaps we’d be living life together and I wouldn’t be in this mess afternoon having been bullied so badly at highschool. It affected my mental health so badly that I have (MANY) failed suicide attempts, but the one that kind of “stuck” was 8yrs ago, jumping from the 9th story balcony of a hotel & I survived (sometimes I thank “god” for that….other times I fuk!ng curse it)
I lost my left leg & an also paralysed from the waist down so I’m in a wheelchair now.
I’m homehound. Not because of how I look, but because of how I feel.
I hate myself, though I’ve always made friends easily – it’s just that the closer friends we become, I start clinging to a point, but then once we are almost inseparable & loving life together – I pull away….becayE I’m scared that because they know so much about me, that they might start hating me as much as I do.
(Sorry. I went on a tangent there. I do apologise.

Talking on the phone I feel like I have to be “entertaining” …7′ terrified of the awkward silences et. I just can’t live like this anymore.

If anyone has bothered listening to me for this long…please have a good think Of if you might have any methods to cure my madness. It’d mean the world to me. I really can’t go on in life like this. How will I get anywhere? Succeed in anything? Have purpose outside of living for my mum. So:

DOOES ANYONE HAVE ANY REMEDIES FOR THIS? I’LL TRY ANYTHING!!!!!

(Ps: before my “accident” 8yrs ago I was a party girl, I was shy inside (I have been my entire life) but I had an amazing group of friends, I was always out. I was always on the phone… I was also more if a “leader” than a “follower” …then, after a lonf time battling drugs, getting clean (10yrs thank you 😊), battled alcohol for 2yrs after that & lost my job, friends, & ended up on the street)
THAT, is when I lost all my confidence and everything.
Thus also coincided with the diagnoses of four mental health illnesses while in a psych ward, and got out on alot of medications. They helped so much.
Except for the balcony incident. It’s since then I’ve been on the pain medications & having several PHYSICAL diagnoses….

I am so broken. (Literally, but also mentally & emotionally)

So much love to all of you who are fighting to get through each day. You’re strong warriors and I commend you and am proud of each and every single person here with our ADD.
ADD just adds a whoooole bunch of symptoms & behaviours that just make life harder than what it already is. So I wish you all a happy day, with all the love, health and amazing moments to laugh & ENJOY life – all of which you truly deserve
.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by bunneyoo. Reason: Needed to add a bit of back round info