Reply To: ADHD Husband & Unemployment

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What a challenge. I know for me, to keep engaged in a job it has to be interesting, always changing and in a field I am passionate about. If he is getting a job just to have a job, boredom will take over and it won’t last long. And feeling like I have failed over and over wears down my self esteem and makes me just want to hide. For men, this can be particularly devastating when it comes to being a provider for a family. He probably needs to find his purpose and work in it. Finding purpose in itself can be difficult. Help him focus on his strengths and it is more likely to open up those possibilities.
Perhaps the best thing you can do is the most counterintuitive. Express gratitude. During the darkest days of my life, I was encouraged to name 10 things I was grateful for every day. The person who gave me this task overcame drug addiction and mental illness and swore up and down that this little habit made it all possible. She would open her eyes every morning and count on her fingers 10 things she was grateful for before her feet hit the floor. I found that if I could name 10 things, in no time I could name 20. Expressing gratitude led to more awareness of additional things to be grateful for. Now I write out 5 things every day and notice so much more throughout the day. It has not changed my circumstances. It has changed how I view myself and the world. It has changed my tolerance for the things that challenge me. It has given me a sense of peace, that no matter what happens, things will turn out ok. It has made me more kind and loving to my family. It has led to many positive changes in my family and my relationships. I know it seems like it does not address your problem, but it will help you handle it. It will bring out more patience, gentleness and understanding for your husband as he goes through this struggle. Best wishes to you and your family as you find solace and solutions.