Reply To: Friendships: It´s not me – it´s YOU(?)

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#76402
Ani
Participant

Mariade,

Yes, exactly. You seem to be scared of other people talking too much about themselves with you, do you kind of have a hard time speaking up?
I feel more relieved if they talk a lot, as long as I get to have a say now and then. That means they’re probably okay around me.
Perhaps? I don’t know, I always care for my friends a lot, but I don’t always know how to show it. Like I’m forgetting things,
like their families names or birthdays. Or contacting them? Even with my own family, sometimes I don’t call my mom for months.
It doesn’t mean I don’t care. But it might be perceived that way.

1. That’s too bad. Sorry she’s your only friend, but I see why you treasure her more then.

2. Sorry I guess I worded it weirdly. Haha, yes I definitely repeat things just like you and I end up wondering if I’ve said it before.
But people usually don’t comment on it.

3. Hmmm, it doesn’t seem as if you’re trying to understand her point of view still.
She’s only human so it’s very helpful to look at it from a different perspective.
Don’t think of things the way they SHOULD have been, instead look at things the way they were. Try and solve it like a puzzle.
You might have told her how you felt, but that doesn’t mean she understood how you felt.
And I don’t think you understand how she felt or tried to understand. I feel like you both misunderstood each other.

BUT, again, I think that she cancelled your plans several times is more important than that situation. That’s what would’ve hurt me, unless it was for something unavoidable.

4. My mother had a friend like that once, I was left alone with her when my mother went out for bit.
She wouldn’t stop talking, so I raised my hand and waited for her to go quiet.
Then I went ‘I’m sorry, but you talk way too much. Do you ever let others have a say?’
Well, she apologized and excused herself to go to the bathroom, and that was the last thing we said to each other.
Anyway, she had asked my mother about it later, she wondered if she really talked that much.
Looking at it now, I realize it was a little rude, the way I put it, and with the gesture and everything. ;;
Still, I can’t help but feel that if it was me, I would want to know.
And I’m not going to force myself to listen for 2 hours if I don’t get to give any sort of input whatsoever,
so it’s better if they understand that I’m upset about it.
I mean it’s better to say something instead of quietly burning up inside isn’t it?

5. That’s true, and it’s a pretty ugly thing. Why is admitting you might have done something wrong so hard to do? It’s not like it erases the action when you don’t say it out loud. And it shouldn’t be that easy to end a friendship, unless it’s something you’ve been waiting for. Maybe she was looking for an excuse.
I’m sorry if you’ve been through similar situations.

6. What I meant was, I started talking about myself when I was trying to give you advice. We started talking about my problems.

Alright, let me contact you there. Thanks!

Ani