I see you’ve taken ssri’s in the past but maybe it’s worth another try?
I’ve recently returned to them (mid 30s) after taking them mid 20s. To be honest I was less depressed when I restarted than back then but what it has helped with more than I could ever have dreamt of is the anxiety- and I’ve come to realise that that is one of the key causes of my troubles – adhd is much easier to accept without the anxiety!
I was resistant to going back on meds – but so glad I did – you only have one life, feeling like you do it has to be worth a try? And yes, it is possible that things can change! Keep busy, eat well and go easy on yourself. Best wishes.