Reply To: 2 Spouse ADHD Marriage

[monicatrav]

Hi Elysium. I am also in a marriage with an Adhd man. We both have it and so does our son. So be prepared. 🙂 I cope by attending Alanon meetings. I haven’t found an adhd support group in my area and I feel that the principals of the program apply. It won’t help to push him, focus on what you can do to make yourself happy. Learn the facts about ADHD. There is so much to learn, I just learned about RDS on this site which explains why I take rejection so badly. Also, when he criticizes you, do your best to ignore it. Alanon says “don’t let your feelings get hurt” this has helped me and now I know why! The RDS. Who knows? Maybe he is frustrated because it reminds him of his own limitations (he may not be aware of this Though) I hate messes because it makes me feel out of control but I don’t always have
The energy or focus to get it all done Without letting everything else go. My husband and I used to fight a lot until be both lowered our expectations of how we kept the house clean and of how much we could get done. The fact that your husband doesn’t accept he has ADHD makes thing difficult but maybe don’t fault him, I went to a psychologist for help several years back and he told me people outgrow it. He may need to hold on to that in order to feel there isn’t anything “wrong with him”. It took a long time for my husband to accept all of the factors that indicated he was suffering from ADHD but he will never get treatment, luckily he works at a job where he is outside.( hard worker) But I manage the finances (my strength). Maybe make a list of each of your personal strengths and base duties on that. I’m not sure being on your own would help. I was single for a long time and yes it was easier to structure and manage my time but I didn’t have kids. Now that you have them being on your own will only create more issue of time management with two households, so if there is still love there don’t give up quite yet. Like the previous writer said, raising kiddos is tough and even more so for adhders. I hear you feeling that you are not getting the support and that is hard, if he won’t go with you, go on your own, the right therapist making you feel heard can help you to feel that support. I realized that the way I approached subjects with my husband played a role in how well my husband accepted a discussion. John Gottmans book- the seven principals of marriage- talks about this. Best of luck and I hope you found something useful even though it’s a little all over the place 😊