The first hurdle is the fact that your husband doesn’t believe in ADHD (which blows my mind if he actually has ADHD). Until he opens his mind and wants to change his opinion on the subject, you can’t change all the other things in your relationship you want to change. You can only work on yourself – you cannot change anyone else. They have to change themselves.
If he would agree to couples counseling, and you can find one well versed in adult ADHD, I think that might be a good next step.
And, help yourself as much as possible. Get any tasks that you can off your plate — hire someone to clean your house every couple weeks, use a laundry services, take your taxes to a tax service, get the meal boxes (like Blue Apron…), etc.
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Most people are a lot discombobulated when they add a second child to the family, and when there’s an infant in the house.
You do need to change your mindset in one regard — from the fact that you’re somehow deficient and should be ashamed, to accepting that ADHD is a difference in your brain, and you can have a great life despite it. 🙂
ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism