Reply To: Friendships: It´s not me – it´s YOU(?)

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Adults Relationships Friendships: It´s not me – it´s YOU(?) Reply To: Friendships: It´s not me – it´s YOU(?)

#76225
Ani
Participant

Mariade
When it comes to not getting friends, I have this crippling fear of getting rejected.
It makes it terribly difficult to look for new people to talk to unless I’m forced into situations like that.
I can so easily soak up people’s emotions so if they’re uncomfortable with me or judge me I notice it right away,
it makes me want to run to the restroom and cry, which I know is silly.
Even if I don’t notice a hostile attitude I still worry about it.
And to be fair I have no idea where to even go outside to look for friends if I would want some.
Then I feel like I might not be a good friend anyway…
You know, just constantly worrying about things instead of looking forward.

1. What point is there in having a one-sided friendship? Won’t it hurt you more in the end?
Although I suppose if you’re really close, it would be hard to let go…

2. Yeah, I’ve noticed that with myself a lot. Not so much during whatever event takes place, but afterwards.
If I’m in disagreement with someone, I sometimes feel shocked that they don’t see it my way since it’s so obvious or easy to see.
So I have to tell myself that maybe I’m not always right. Maybe there is a different point of view I need to think about.
…Still that enlightenment usually comes afterwards.
I think you’re pretty cool for admitting it though. Are you like me when you feel like you’re clear about things?
Like you leave some things out when you talk to others because you’ve already thought about it in your head…
And sometimes it confuses you haha!

3. That’s okay, you don’t have to agree with something just because you understand it.
That’s the most important thing for reconciliation. You just need to try and not get insulted by it.
But if she’s cancelling her plans on you the same day several times that’s another thing.
There’s nothing more frustrating if she’s not even trying.

4. Alright. I can’t help but feel that you might miss out on some nice people in that case.
What if she was one of us?! Haha
But I guess you get to be picky since it was the first time you met.
Sometimes it’s hard to have energy for people who don’t let you talk, it’s understandable.

5. Thanks for your input. She did, didn’t she? She made herself sound justified.
But I can’t help but feel like it was such a wasteful way of ending a friendship,
like it meant nothing and then I just felt numb for the longest time.

6. Alright! Oh but I also want to say something, don’t change yourself TOO much.
You’re awesome the way you are. It helps to understand yourself and make small adjustments but that’s all you’re allowed!

Anyway, I was trying to give you advice but I feel like you started listening to me more now, I’m sorry about that.

If you’re okay with it, do you have an email? I’ll be good, I promise~!

Ani