Only recently recognized as ADHD at the age of 43. After learning about ADHD I realized that people only take about the executive function challenges and not the emotive challenges. Please understand that I have been fired, rejected and ignored more times in my life than I can count and currently have no friends so take my advise with a pinch of salt.
Recently I read an article which framed ADHD in a new light here on ADDitude describing adult ADD in a new way.
Summary of 3 new definitions of adhd in adults
1. An interest-based nervous system (As opposed to a non-ADHD brain which works on an importance or priority based system). Meaning if its not immediately interesting work or personal you dont want to know. That includes things like remembering names or listening to other peoples stories because you want to take about whats interesting to you. Also you will have trouble with time meaning everything is either this very moment or never.
2. Emotional hyperarousal. The highs are higher and the lows are lower fo us. Interestingly ADHD also increases the likelihood of comorbid conditions like depression or anxiety. These need to be treated first before the ADHD can be addressed. At the very least your brain will work faster than others (making you seem intense) and frequently be overwhelming the good sense stored in your memory that tells you how you should act. Whether its the thing you should have said or the fact it was really a minor annoyance and not worth the trouble will always be something you figure out but it will just take a while longer for you due to heightened emotional responses. Also you will be more intense and on edge wanting everything now. Your friends will not think that way. Another consequence is that you will be unable to assertively state your needs in a constructive way because calmy doing so is just to damn hard. Trust me I spent a long time being a doormat.
3. Rejection sensitive dysphoria. Rejection will hurt you more than others. Even the smallest slight will be over analyzed down to the smallest detail and sadly you will struggle to let things go. Frequently remembering the same minor hurt over and over again.
The above rings so true for me and I see a lot of it in your responses
Now I’ve seen improvement with ADHD medication. Im on Concerta. Its like my whole life my brain has only ever had 20 miles of mental gas and every day is 100 miles. This medication gets me an extra 50 miles of mental gas so to speak. Please note that medication will never “cure” adhd. The goal in taking medication is to improve the quality of your life. I also take a medication to deal with my depression. If you struggle to be around others, dont have energy etc thats usually part of the root cause. Depression isn’t always just a “low” mood. It comes in many forms.
Take make the last 20 miles of my day takes education.
People with ADHD miss the social skills that others learn as children so you will need to relearn these. I recommend you read “What does everybody else know that I don’t” by Michelle Novotini Ph.D. to learn the basics of how ADHDer’s can improve their social skills and others areas of oyur ife as well.
Also watch a youtube channel belonging to Dr. Charles Parker. One of the worlds leading experts on ADHD.
Also learning to recognize when your brain is going the wrong way takes time to educate yourself on the signs and even longer to learn to implement them but it will happen.
Cognitive Behavioral therapy has been a huge help.
Understanding terms like Oppositional Defiance Disorder and Egocentrism (Seeing only your own view and failing to consider others) are common parts of the ADHD brain and important to understand also.
Education is important and don’t be afraid to seek medical help.
I hope this helps band please dont give up