Patrick, it sounds as if you have a good awareness of your personal challenges. I think that is key, and should help remove the terror you have! Has the 12-step program helped provide you with greater personal awareness? Or have you had therapy/counseling? Also, just wondering, are you on ADHD meds? (If I presented my boyfriend with three questions in a row like that, it would be a problem, so I apologize for that.)
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