Reply To: Friendships: It´s not me – it´s YOU(?)

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#76136
Ani
Participant

Hi Ashley
The thing you said about an awkward first date is so true. Even before actually meeting up,
we often go through the whole scenario in our head beforehand,
unlike a neurotypical person who’s like ‘alright, going to meet someone new today!’.
We see the potential failure before it’s even happened, scared out of our minds to be rejected again,
more worried about ourselves than them.
There’s also that tiny problem about taking action and actually do the friend searching yourself.
I have a tendency of waiting for friends to fall onto my lap (this doesn’t seem to work). At least you have a dog!
Something important though, you DESERVE friends. Even if it’s difficult, I wish you would keep trying,
until you find friends who try to understand you and accept you for you.

How do I stay focused? Hmm… Not sure if you’re going to like this answer, but I don’t.
I can only try my best to not interrupt and listen. We don’t control what distracts us.
But like you said before to Mariade, I sometimes talk too much and interrupt.
Don’t ask enough questions even though I want to, wondering what’s okay to say and ask,
sometimes saying inappropriate things that make me want to bang my head against the wall.
And I do constantly get distracted, wondering how many times it’s okay to ask them to repeat themselves,
or if I should just try to nod and go along with it.

About your friend, I’m so proud of you for reaching out to them and asking about what really happened.
It took a lot of energy and courage from you!
Sorry they don’t seem as invested as you in the friendship though… You really can only do your part,
and you did as much as you could. That’s too bad and disappointing that they wouldn’t try harder.
But that’s on them, not on you, so don’t blame yourself.

This friend of yours from college, to tell you the truth…
I really understand why you won’t contact her and I think it’s in your best interest not to.
Of course I don’t know the full story, and we all have flaws, but good riddance.
No one needs that kind of superficial friendship. It’s just sad and lonely when the other person doesn’t want to open up,
especially when you’ve known each other for so long.

Aw thanks, I don’t really travel a lot, but I have some. The jet lag always kills me though. What about you, travel much? Or want to?
Yes..! To be honest, I was worried I was too pushy there for a second, and you’re worrying about sounding creepy?
Hahaha! I think we get along great already.
Can I add you somewhere for further pointless talk or email or something since I can’t seem to message you
on this forum? (actually, is that creepy-?)