Reply To: New to dating a guy with ADHD – Need advice

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Way back at the beginning of this thread, “Parminter” really hit the nail on the head. I experience ALL of the things he/she said and it is very difficult. Every day I question why I stay in this relationship. He is a sweet, kind, generous person, but I feel as if I’m slowly losing myself. There is an article by Dr. Amen that hit home called “Why We Crave the Drama That Sabotages Relationships” and that was almost a spot-on description of my boyfriend. But knowing this still doesn’t help me to deal with it.

I find it impossible to reason with my boyfriend because, well, he is incapable of reasoning due to the ADD and perhaps some other neuro-dysfunction. Having these conversations about improving communication just doesn’t register. All I can do is be mute when there are problems and move on. But I find myself being mute more and more and I feel like I’m losing myself. So, that’s one thing. The other is, my boyfriend does not take any meds and refuses to do so. I’ve suggested that if he won’t try meds, he needs to try something else, such as meditation, mindfulness, etc. But he doesn’t. I’ve read a lot about meds, and there are two points of view, each equally adamant. He claims he tried meds 20 years ago and they made him “a zombie”, but I have learned that I can’t get an accurate account of such experiences. I don’t know what he took or for how long (because he is unable to accurately say). He may have tried one med for one week, or he might have tried one or two with no follow-up or changes for a year, or he might have taken them on an irregular schedule. None of this would surprise me. He’s a dear person, but I’m at my wits end.