Reply To: Breaking the Cycle of Failure

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#76048
bcliffordearly
Participant

Hey Rory, just thought it was easier to copy and paste the part of your post that I felt was written about me, so, see below….

I have been through a number of transitions lately. Changing jobs, ending relationships, substance abuse, etc. has made me feel manic and completely unfit for handling my daily activities. That being said, when it finally dawned on me that all of my chaotic, neurotic behaviors were byproducts of an atypical ADD brain, the pieces began to fall into place (figuratively). Once diagnosed, I began to realize why so many “normal” and “nuanced” tasks were so difficult for me. No matter how hard I tried, or pushed or blamed myself, my brain is not wired to handle mundane tasks. I struggled my whole life with details, and forgetting tasks and appointments. I always felt bad, disheveled and completely at fault for all of my errors. Somehow I managed to complete a Masters in a field I no longer want to be in. I forced myself to get a degree that was never a strong fit for my ADD weaknesses, in order to prove to myself (and others) that I was capable and intelligent enough to be successful. I now have a job which requires detailed, nuanced data entry, and management of obtuse projects. I’m not doing well. Despite being capable, intelligent, and widely over-educated – I have struggled to perform even the simplest of tasks. It’s infuriating that I can understand the abstract concepts of the projects at hand but as soon as I have to do detail-oriented task, it’s like I am on another planet.

All of that being said, I am tired of what I call the “Cycle of Failure”: starting with high hopes, doing well and then in a few months feeling completely bored/zoned out/out of touch/disinterested/etc. -> looking for something new, and starting all over again. Keeping my attention on anything, has proven to be difficult and messed with my career goals/relationships/health and well-being. Adderall has helped me focus, as has exercising. But regardless of all of the treatments, at the end of the day – if the tasks isn’t stimulating, I fail at it.

I have read all of the articles on ADDitude about finding the right career path, and acknowledging weaknesses, and strengths. However, I am looking for some companionship with fellow ADD-ers who have struggled on this cycle. I am hoping to break the pattern, and find something that works for me – and not forcing myself to work for something else.

Cliff