Reply To: Friendships: It´s not me – it´s YOU(?)

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#75962
Livingw/AdHd
Participant

Mariade,
After re reading your post since it takes me awhile and a few times to actually read and understand what I’m reading. I don’t really have any answers or solutions to the things you posted because I am also trying to figure out similar things myself. And you articulated it way better than I could. Which has helped me think about my own issues. I do know though you are definitely not alone in what you are thinking. I’ve run into a lot of people who don’t understand add, which can complicate a friendship since they may not know or understand where you are coming from or why you are doing or saying. I am also guilty of talking to much and not asking questions in return, I don’t mean to do it intentionally. I feel like I’m prying into peoples business and since I’m terrible with social cues it makes me anxious, am I over stepping, or asking to many questions, is this too personal. So I tend not too ask, which probably leads to me not seeming like I’m interested in the other person, which is totally not the case. I’m just terrible at small chit chat and communicating which something I know I need to work on.

To the both of you:
I feel like meeting new friends is like going out on an awkward first date lol, first you have to meet someone, which means you have to do something, which if you are like me I don’t really have much motivation right now especially since it’s winter, where I’m usually on my couch with my dog. So I’m not really going anywhere to be able to meet anyone except work. Then once you finally meet someone I feel like I would be awkward in a conversation with a stranger. Then ask them to get coffee or something? I don’t even drink coffee lol. Then I would be thinking and over thinking everything, like -do they think I’m to weird or off the wall (which I totally am and I embrace it) but will I be judged in a not so good way. It just seems like a lot of effort to put into, with in hopes you may actually get along with this person and create a friendship.

I also feel like some people aren’t into making new friends because they already have friends. And I also feel like if I can’t even keep the good friends I have how am I going to be able to make new ones.

Having a mind that goes a million miles a min allows me to think of way to many thoughts and ideas about everything and overthinking or reading way to far into things or every scenario. Ha it can be extremely exhausting.

Ani,

Thanks for the all the advice, especially about interrupting and the little tid bit about asking your self how important is this really. Now putting that into action might be difficult but I am going to try and work on it. How do you stay focused?

In response to my friend I reached out to: When I first reached out they said they missed me and we had a casual conversation; then they said if I did something to upset you I’m sorry, which opened the door my to my long response, about how I thought we were good friends and how I missed our friendship but I was upset that you ghosted me and was only friends when it was convenient for them. I know they recently started dating someone so I figured some of that had to do with it to. They respond that everything I said was completely true, and I wasn’t the only person that they mistreated and hoped that I could forgive them and asked to get together and Ketch up soon. We ended up ketching up and hangin out a couple of times, but mostly just talking on the phone and texting. Their new relationship that they are in has definitely changed our friendship, and after being blown off again a few times I realized that is just how it’s going to be and not to put full stock into this relationship anymore.

I haven’t reached out to my other friend yet, she’s someone that I have known since I was a freshmen in college, we are completely different people and I have really never had a friend like her; you would think we would have a deeper friendship but she likes to make it seem like everything is always perfect and nothing is ever wrong; doesn’t really open up, she can also be kinda judgmental. So it’s hard to be open with someone who is not. She never thinks she is in the wrong and never really puts the effort in, in less it’s convenient for her. So I haven’t wanted to reach out because I just don’t know how she is going to take it or her how she will respond. And I don’t think I’m ready to deal with what she had to say.

I also think it’s neat that you have moved here from Sweden, do you travel a lot?

I am definitely interested in having another friend! You seem to know some stuff and is very nice! I thought putting I would love to have you as a new friend sounded desperate and creepy lol. 😉

Ashley