Reply To: Friendships: It´s not me – it´s YOU(?)

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Adults Relationships Friendships: It´s not me – it´s YOU(?) Reply To: Friendships: It´s not me – it´s YOU(?)



I am also new to this forum. I’m in my early 30 as well. I have never actually responded to anything before, since I am a terrible writer and have a hard time not bouncing around – when I I write, or conversate. So please bare with me while I try and attempt stay focused and add to your conversation! Both of your responses gave me insight into another view and I liked the advice.

Before I go into responding to an
Unresponsive Friend here is a little about me:
I know that because of my ADHD I can be a difficult person to swallow sometimes. I can talk a lot – and over talk especially if I am feeling uncomfortable or if I’m trying connect with someone who is different from me I’ll even over share to try make a connection- Or to try and not feel uncomfortable. I also have a hard time focusing and staying focused, so listening to people can be very difficult. Not that I don’t care what they are saying or about them, because I do. With that I also have terrible short term memory, which can lead to me unexpectedly interrupting people. Not that someone is saying something unimportant, my mind is just constantly going a million miles a minute and if I don’t say it right then and there I will completely forget it like it never happened. All those are my terrible habits/ qualities that I have always had and have tried to fix. However, I am extremely caring person, who is always there for my friends if they ever need anything. I am spontaneous and always ready to laugh and am down for adventure. I am great at being flexible and I always try to make the best of every situation. Okay now that I got that out of the way.

I am actually experiencing what you are going through right now with two of my friends who I thought were extremely close. The first friend it took me 5 months to finally bring up the courage to ask why just one day they decided to ghost me out of their life. I didn’t know what happened why or what caused it. Was it me, was it because they had something going on in their life, but why couldn’t they then share that. I was confused and upset which led to being angry. But I felt the friendship was more important than never talking to them again. How can you throw away 10 years. So after months of festering I finally asked. No one ever wants to know if it’s actually them. But I’d rather I finally realized I wanted know what was going on. So I got in touch, I said we hadn’t talked awhile and wanted to open up the conversation. I was explained that I was hurt that I was ghosted twice and gave a specific date far in the future to when they could hang out. Everyone is busy so all of this was upsetting. I let them know my feelings and asked if I caused any of this. Their response was no and didn’t really give any more of an answer but at least I asked since it was making me crazy. However on the flipside my other friend who is constantly unresponsive to texts and never reaches out first. I have known her for over 15 years but my relationship is very different from the first. So even though she blows me off and doesn’t respond or even reach out sometimes. I still haven’t said anything. I don’t know if I’m scared to hear or reasoning or what. I don’t really have any good advice because I can’t even follow my own I guess I figured I would respond so you know you weren’t the only one going through this. I liked Ani advice and am thinking about reaching out to my second friend. I have learned though the that people change and even friends from my childhood and from even college were in a different time of my life some people may stay friends and others may grow apart and it’s okay. It’s not the quantity of friends it’s the quality.
I was always a social person but now I find my self sitting on the couch on a Friday night. At first it was hard because I used to always be out and about with people so being alone was weird but now sometimes I even enjoy it.
But I do wish I had someone to talk to who can relate. Just going out and meeting new people I feel like can be difficult, since I feel I usually make a not so good first impression with some of my flaws. Thanks for sharing your thoughts again ladies.