Reply To: Friendships: It´s not me – it´s YOU(?)

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Hello Ani!

Thank you for your long reply, it was very thoughtful of you and interesting to read. I really appreciate it.

I think it sounds really cool that you moved away such a long way! I don´t think it´s strange you don´t know anyone there yet, friendships takes time and it´s the same with romantic relationships, you won´t settle for just anyone, same with friends. Are you from Sweden from the beginning? If you want one more online-friend, you can reach out to me. I would love to hear more about your moving to the states.

Here are some answers to yours:

1. The unresponsible friend is still very hard for me to figure out no matter what. This because no matter how you ask, you are rarely getting the most honest answer back even if you assure you can take it. No one will ever say “well, I think you are this and that so I decided to just disapear and return when it´s suitable for me”. I wish you could demand a honest answer but you can´t really demand anything at all, that is what´s so frustrating 🙂

2. You are absolutely right about this. I will say I joke or confess that I complain too much, this is something I actually never do, I tend to think people know what I mean… but off course they always don´t.

3. I do understand your point, but I would not be mad at a friend if she´s clearly tells she´s scared of going alone to my area if there has been some criminal activities or just a rough neighbourhood in general. People had said the very same about my neighbourhood even if there is no crime going on but I don´t take it personal, it´s just how my area looks, it´s not about me as a person and I feel the same way. This friend did also have a car but never offered me a ride, even though I would pay her and she knew about my feeling of insecurity. For me, that´s the dead give away, knowing but not helping.

4. This person was not mean or cold hearted, she was just not aware of how much she talked about herself. Some people are like that, and I feel it´s not my job to tell a 45 year old woman that she would ask something in return 🙂

5. I still have problems knowing how to tell someone even to this day when I think the person is a bit mean. I´m not sure how I would tell her today not sounding too resentful and oversensitive about. Have you told a former friend years later she was mean to you?

6. You are absolutely right. I would say “sure, let´s do that sometime” and quit asking “when?”. I realise it can be a bit stressful for some people to get that question right away.

Best wishes and thank you,