Reply To: Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria? Newbie to ADHD Spouse support.

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#75344
danny
Participant

I was the Spouse.

We weren’t married but I am exactly what you are talking about. I only heard of RSD in mid-December 2017 and it has been quite the eye opener. My past girlfriend of 4 years was a the reason (not cause) I went to see a therapist. Which lead to being diagnosed with ADD late 2015. I started taking Adderal understanding that it was only part of the solution. I needed to unlearn old habits and learn new ones. I did stop taking the last half of 2016 because money was tight and well ADD. I had no idea what RSD was. Our relationship had been going south for a long time and in March 2017 when I couldn’t take being ignored any more she said that she wanted to move out. She had been unhappy but was afraid to talk to me about what was going on because I was very difficult to talk to.

I thought I was a good listener. I thought I was calm and understanding. Sometimes, though, she would just get me so frustrated that I would loose it! What I now understand as dysphoria was an overwhelming sense of frustration that hit me like a bomb had gone off. My chest would get tight, my neck would feel constricted and my ears would hiss- Fight or Flight! If I tried to leave I’d get ridiculed. “Oh! So you’re just going to leave?” So I’d stay and that usually led to more shouting and hurtful words. Eventually, I would snap. Cussing and stomping around our tiny apartment she would just look away and let me leave. I’d storm about my neighborhood until I cooled off. Returning home to a woman who’s heart I’d broken once again.

I didn’t know how to use this website and by the time ADD was discovered the woman with whom I feel in love with instantly as I watched her chase her escaped parakeet while singing along to Adele, then accepted her flaws and making the decision to devote myself to her…she was done. She had enough long before I went to therapy. She was just too afraid to tell me.

It’s been 10 months since she said she wanted to move out. She did. We tried again. We failed. It has been the hardest thing I have endured my entire live. I’ve cried more over losing her than the death of any of my relatives. I’d do anything to have her back in my life but I know she wants and needs to be on her own and I have to get myself and my ADD/RSD sorted out and tame what I now call My Monster in the Shadows and stop it from ruining anymore of my life.

Those of you who have worked with and supported your partners… you are Saints. If they are anything like me they just couldn’t see it. Like I said earlier I call my ADD my Monster in the Shadows- Always out of my sight but ruining any chance at success in my life. Now that I do I have so much to learn. I’m not saying I am solely to blame for our failure but I have come to realize I have a lot apologize about and forgive her for.