Thank you for sharing your stories with me. I really appreciate your thoughtfulness. Even when things are not working out so well for us, this community is very important. I still have my bad days but the additiude group is helping me remind myself of the positive traits that I do have when someone teases me, I cannot read, speak well,spell, walk straight, accident prone, cannot do simple things, feel bad for being different, etc. Today, I was forced to sit with a colleague and learn about the phone aspect of our job. He’s a neurotypical. We were talking to a vendor on speaker phone but he couldn’t figure out what was wrong and we stayed on the phone with that person for about 30 minutes. I took my adderall and luckliy it was helping at that moment or I would be boiling with impatience! I had a solution since the beginning but scared to say it because I thought he’s like a teacher to me now so it’s disrespectful. I finally suggested my solution and it quickly fixed the problem in less than 5 minutes.
Do you feel that you can quickly see the answer before other people? I try to control myself from blurting things out because I don’t want to be rude. But it’s very difficult because your brain is screaming “It’s right there! Can we get to the point and move on?!” Also, I cannot engage in small talk. When people say to me “why you don’t socialize?” I really want to tell them “Because you’re so boring, I rather be daydreaming and escape you.” And I get comments like “You’re always in your own little world” I would want to say “Because the real world doesn’t stimulate me enough”
Talking about cultures, my mom would say to me when I lived with her “Girls/Women should be organized, why you cannot organize?” Then we would get into these big fights because I procrastinate and she threaten to kick me out, actually did kicked me out one winter snow storm in NYC.That was one of the most difficult times in my life, didn’t have any family and I really thought it’s the end but I passed. I was 24 at that time. I’m 32 now, will be 33 in March. I know I will outlive my father even if I do things my way. (I also like song “My Way,” especially the rock version)
Again, thank you for reading my post.