My first piece of advice, breathe. Second, don’t doubt yourself or your parenting. The medication game SUCKS and is a long hard road. We are just now at a good place with meds after almost 3 years. I’m a single mother with adhd raising my 8 1/2 year old with adhd. Balancing taking care of his adhd and mine is a struggle..but not half as hard as the advocating and fighting at med checks. My son and I went through this EXACT situation almost a year ago. His psychiatric nurse wanted to put him on Prozac because of his uncharacteristic anger and outbursts and his anxiety. (Which was decided to be the reason behind his aggressive behavior.) I literally cried in the meeting. After fighting tooth and nail for my kiddo to have the right medications for him and taking on the school department for two years you’re telling me my 7 year old is depressed? Why is everything I do not good enough to make an innocent child happy? I was very broken up about it to say the least. But I put my foot down and refused it. Yes, you ARE mom and CAN tell them no. We did well on Focalin for a while. But Strattera MADE HIM WAY MORE ANGRY AND AGGRESIVE. We are having luck with vyvanse. And I 100% know what you mean about the loving and relaxed version of your kid, the one you know, existing off meds. But I promise you you can have that loving kid all the time with the RIGHT medications. You are not alone. Remind yourself that there are so many parents out there that get it and will cheer for you rather than drag you down and make you question your parenting. The biggest help I can offer you is to get your kiddo into a neuropsych exam. They take a whole day and require a lot of paperwork from mom..but it’s the only thing that put a stop to the useless mountain of pills they were trying to put my kid through. And it also shut the school up trying to call my son autistic in my IEP fight. Currently my son takes 30mg Vyvanse with breakfast, has .05 clonidine to take in the afternoon as he feels he needs, and 10mg hydroxyzine and 9mg melatonin for bed. The neuropsych was a blessing. I wish you the best of luck!