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You situation sounds exactly like mine when my son was 5, right down to the single mom part. And I wholeheartedly agree with everything Penny said. Stimulant medication coupled with behavioral therapy is a terrific way to go. It’s at the bare minimum, the best starting place to give your son a great starting point.
It’s a marathon, but it does get better. I’d focus the school on the FBA and the BIP. The IEP is important, but the behavior sounds like the main priority right now. Focus on one thing at a time. I became the squeaky wheel for about a year. And by squeaky wheel I just mean, I made sure my requests were made by formal emails or letters and I made sure to cc the principal and/or special education director. The BIP was EXTREMELY helpful. IMO suspended a 5 year old is not helpful. It doesn’t teach anything besides “if I’m bad, I get a day out of school”.
Hang in there Momma! You got this!