bec1124 points out that although she and her husband ended up running their household with quite traditional gender roles, she felt loved and respected for her work. Their relationship felt fair – both worked hard and communicated an appreciation for the work of the other, they made an effort to make their relationship and their love a priority and to forgive each other and work to make it better when the balance wasn’t quite fair. She says “he loved me and we tried to work at it together”. This sounds like feminism to me. It’s not people doing exactly the same role, but people both contributing as equals towards a shared goal in ways they decide suit them best. We can suggest that she may have the definition of feminism wrong, as some replies did, but not shame her for her decision. It sounds like it was a wonderful relationship because of respect, good communication, and a commitment to working together to make sure it stayed fair.
I think the take-home message of many of these posts (and the original cartoon) hinge on good communication. Don’t assume it’s fair based on your perception, you may not be aware of what the other person is actually doing (like the mental load). But also that you have to take ownership of finding out how balanced it is and be willing to up your game if you find out it is lopsided towards the other person.
My question for the group is, any tips for sharing the mental load? The comic says she decided it’s easier for her just to do it herself…
Sharing it requires a coordinated effort… which is hard enough without ADHD.