Hey, Whisperingwings. Listen to me!!
You are not alone and we can all help you. I have personally been dealing with the same thing as you for all my life (I am 56, a man, a scientists with ADHD and Dyslexia). I have been to hell and back many times. This modern world and I just do not fit each other. I live in the UK but know NYC so well so I understand your world. Everything you have said makes complete sense to me: boring 9-5 administrative job with little if any creativity, wanting to do art and poetry, being distracted with those horrendous open plan offices, HR don’t understand, nobody understands, impulsive nature, trying to educate people who see ADHD as a modern excuse, challenging relationships where the partner does not see your world as you do, nothing is good enough for me.
You must now stop and make some thinking space. You must find a calming place, and watch, and enjoy and be grateful you are alive, unique and a wonderful human being.
So can I help you break this down and manage the individual parts because to an ADHD person the sum of all there’s parts can be overwhelming and destructiveness making you jump about hopeless in the ocean with little sight of land. But you are not alone and others see your world and you will find them.
I walked around Greenwich Village only 4 months ago. I visited some of the art galleries, the minimalism made me feel so calm, just to stand still and look at the artwork and think. Ordinarily, my mind is so mushed up!!!!! A millions thoughts, ideas. You must now find that space, that wonderful ocean of calmness that is inside you. I cry, but with happiness of who I am. After all these years, I am so happy to be alive but like you I still struggle at times, hell is never far away.
Let’s start with some basic tips I can suggest to break this gigantic volcano erupting in your world.
I carry a small note book around with me in my back pocket and write my millions of thoughts down, then return later. They are not lost anymore, just await my return to either forget or work with them. I have a list of the wonderful things in my life in my note book. My memory is bad, I forget good things, forget how happy I am. So I remind myself with little phrases, affirmations (i am so lucky to be alive) , I remind myself of my beautiful 2 children, my lovey home in the country, my travel, my ability to paint, making furniture, my creative brain.
Like you, I also have the most amazing imagination. I think like no other. I see what others can’t see. I have such a wonderful ADHD brain and my Dyslexia has allowed me to paint the world with mind maps. Mind maps are the best way to deal with my Dyslexia.
For creativity, I am on Spotify on all my Ipads. phones, Mac’s and a pair of Bluetooth headphones. I have all my wonderful music, Thomas Newman, Sting, Vivaldi, Kate Bush, Coldplay, Vangelis. At any moment in my life, when I feel I am drifting, loosing myself, in the car, on the train, cycling, I put on my music. Alone in my head, I calm down and play with my emotions. Film theme music is wonderful for that. Go to Grand central station. a café on Broadway, with your headphones on and a note pad, sit on a bench and watch the world. Enjoy all the people just walking by, who are they, what are they, imaging their worlds. Write down you creativity, your poems, your artwork. With Thomas Newman in your ears (score to the film, thank you for your service), or other music, let your mind play.
Read ‘Fidget to Focus'(ISBN 9780595350100), a book that will explain why your brain is at it is….You will learn not to fight yourself.
Whisperingwings you are unique and wonderful and you have a world ahead of you that no one else can see. You hold so much power within you but are surrounded by boring normal lemmings in automatic mode, just falling into the same consumer trap. Don’t let them drag you down.
These are just snippets of my world. Now to work, and play, dealing with the normalness of life: Knowing what is enough, finding your own limits, managing that partner, being happy who you are, helping others to help you, holding your head up high, finding the right job for you, setting ADHD goals.
If I’m making sense and with your pemissions, I can continue??? When you wake up in NYC and read this, reply and lets all start making you that happy little person again, remember her (or him?)..JB