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Hello, you are a very intuitive mother and have made careful observations about your son. I also have a 12 year old son in middle school with ADHD. This year we had to put him in a special ed class as he was failing in a regular class. He is doing better with more structure and clear expectations in his new class.
He did not do well on Vyvanse or Adderall. We tried concerts, focalin-none of the typical ADHD meds work for him, instead he takes Wellbutrin to increae dopamine and Prozac for anxiety.
He has difficulty with social skills, starting assignments, writing in his agenda, essays and tests.
Students are expected to be more independent in 6th grade and a lot of the supports they received in elementary school are removed. This is especially hard for kids with ADHD who continue to need that support to succeed.
Our son has the same difficulties he as your with pretty much everything you stated except for handwriting. He also has an IEP and gets help developing social skills from the school psychologist.
You need to put in writing that you want your son evaluated and list the specifics handwriting, essay writing, etc. There are tests for all of these areas. He may just need a little extra help in a regular classroom or he may need a different learning environment. There are pluses and negatives to each situation.
While our son is doing better academically and learning better social skills, his peers from the gen ed classes do not choose to interact with him most of the time, but he also does not “mix” with their schedules as much either.
You are not alone in your struggles to advocate and support your son so that he can succeed.