Reply To: Diagnosis

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bigguy1221
Participant

Cynthia,
It is great having a diagnosis, but maybe for different reasons than you think. You have probably suspected the diagnosis for some time. You were right and your gut was right. Trust your gut. Try to get a fix on all your friends/family who were wrong. you will see some surprising reactions from friends, family and lovers. you are likely glowing with the insight you know have. some of the people you expect to be happy and supportive aren’t likely acting that way. Paying attention to the reactions of your spouse/boyfriend and family is a wise idea.
i was diagnosed in my mid 40’s. i had a family, kids, and a successful career as a trial lawyer. If your family doesn’t embrace the diagnosis — be very worried. i had a list of 50 things to make my life easier — one great suggestion after another. I asked someone to read it and to try to help me implement those things. If she read it, it was a quick once over and no effort ever made to help me with them. it was dismissed with a waive of the arm and rolled eyes. that was a hurtful reaction to someonething i found profoundly life altering. Those suggestions aren’t so great. They would help anyone, so what is the big deal. I thought that was so lousy thing it couldn’t possibly have meant how it sounded — but it meant exactly that. When i tried the items on the list, i got ridiculed, and then they would lie in wait for my next screw up == those were pointed to as evidence of the errors of my thinking. Watch those reactions. if it seems like those closest to you are minimizing what you think is life altering, fogure out why anyone would do that. they will characterize it as an excuse and blame you for not trying hard enough. Trust your gut. Thats again why i say pay attention to family and friends. if you get the sense they are rolling their eyes and think you are full of nonsense, it wwill be obvious quickly. it will be painful too. Because the really unfair thing they do is wait until you mess something up. it will happen. no matter how smart you are sooner or later you will make mistakes and when you do, those people who didn’t think ADHD was real will be all too happy to share your errors with you and tell you they were right all along. they weren’t right. They are only right the few times your way doesn’t work out.

counselling is a great thing if the person you work with understands you. if you find someone you click with, how they do it and the letters after their name aren’t as important as the connection you have with the person. Don’t be afraid to say that someone highly regarded isn’t a good fit for you. I worked with someone who did things unconventionally but she knew me very well. worked with such a person on and off for at least 15 years. i went frequently for a while, and once every several months or more later on. She helped me because she knew how to get me to understand things without telling me what to do. writing a journal for yourself is great too.
what i just wrote is with the benefit of hindsight it is my reaction and my reality. it may help you make sense of something or other, but it isnt advice and i’m not trained in counselling. take it all with a grain of salt. i am not medically trained. what i described is based in large part on my perception of my situation. i hope it gives you some insight or cotext.