Hi posters –
I’m the ADD husband. For years, I thought ADD was just a ‘focus’ issue. I was unaware (ignorant?) of the other symptoms that go with the diagnosis. Things were really bad for us about a year ago. With me, my general way of dealing with this was to ‘shut down’ – I was especially unaware of the internalized shame that is such a benchmark of ADD. When my wife said she was ready to separate, it was like train hitting me. As many of you said, she still loved me – she just couldn’t deal with my behavior anymore. I have taken Concerta for 15 yrs (diagnosed at 35), and thought that would ‘fix’ this. I was wrong. Since that time, I’ve gotten into treatment, and that combination seems to be working well.
What struck me about your posts (esp Angie’s) was the fact that you all stated that you still loved your spouses. Again, as the ADD spouse you have no idea how much that means to hear – it’s the thing that kept me pushing forward (as hard as that was for me). While we still love each other, it’s different now; but we’ll hit 25 years of marriage this year. I’m so grateful for my wife – and to hear of spouses like you! While the aggressive behaviors are unacceptable and must be confronted/addressed, knowing we’re loved can go a long way towards treatment/repairing/reconciling. I check these boards regularly, so I hope things in your relationships go the way you hope and need for them to go…