Reply To: Finding Your Tribe…Long Post

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I completely feel the pain that you’ve gone through with your son as I too had a very long rough and painful road with my son. From preschool age he was misunderstood and made to be the victim of less than compassionate teachers and parents of other children his age. We were told on where than one occasion to have him analyzed from age 3 on and we actually did meet with both a psychologist and then our towns evaluation staff both of whom said there is nothing wrong with our four-year-old gifted,compassionate, empathetic and delightful boy. We did not have him go through the complete a valuation for a AD HD until he was in seventh grade. We all suffered through our child’s exclusion from play dates parties and sleepovers for years. It broke my heart to see the neighborhood kids all congregating in the yard adjacent to ours-all boys of the same exact age -and our child not being invited over to join in . It went so far as an exclusion by one of the local mothers who blackballed him and would not allow him in her home for no apparent reason. Our son was never overly hyper active nor was he ever destructive or mean-spirited but yet he bore the brunt of misunderstanding for years. We moved him to private school in third grade . Unfortunately the school tended to be extremely rigid and he had it even more unfortunate teacher who had no patience for inattentive little boys . A few years into his schooling there I approach the principal who literally lsighed me out of her office when I suggested we have our son tested, saying that he was one of the top students in fifth grade and as she saw it I was just trying to get extended time so he would have an advantage . Anyway I could go on and on about the pain that he felt and that as a mother I felt knowing that our child was so misunderstood and swept the curb . I am happy to report that over the years things changed and now my 17-year-old son (Who by the way was diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type) has so many friends from in school, from summer programs, from sleep away camp. He is a loyal, dedicated friend. His friends appreciate him and love him. He will be entering a highly selective college in the fall where I know he will thrive . Take heart, those of you with younger children experiencing this struggle and heart ache. Do all you can to expose your child to multiple groups outside of school so we has every opportunity to make friends. Try hard not to let him see how much it pains you because I know how much it will and does hurt to see your child excluded, misunderstood,unhappy. get support where ever you can from psychologists school counselors and other parents but realize that everyone has a unique situation and try not to make comparisons . One final “by the way” is that my son only takes meds when he does his homework he refuses to be on anything while at school and, quite honestly, he has been doing incredibly well especially given the time and a half for testing.