Reply To: Spouse is Sick of the daily grind how do I help?

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#71748
scarpie
Participant

IMPORTANT READ FOR ANYONE WITH SEVERE ADD AND “DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR”: I’m 46 now, college degree, excelled in school and sports all my life, extremely creative with too many interests/abilities that all came natural to me; drumming, writing, photography, radio host, comedy, tons of ideas for film, inventions…and good at many recreational sports; skiing/snowboarding, mtn biking, tennis…it’s not great like it should be, it’s maddening!!! Spread too thin with too many interests and I’m good at them ALL, and I always say it’s much more healthy and praiseworthy to be really good or great at 1 or 2 things and not just good at many. Then people say “pick one”, I wish, but the “one” would be drumming, or talk show host, or writer, public speaker, filmmaker…there is no “one”. I go through constant phases and shifts where I prefer one of these main hobbies/talents over the others, then weeks or months later it changes again, that’s ADD!!! Jobs do not work for me! Since college I’ve had to move back in with the parents 3 times, and this 3rd round has lasted 9 years! Almost a decade and I still can’t figure out what works to pay the bills and remain stable? Well how can I when I’m not genuinely happy or at least content in life? If you break down an average week for me I’m miserable 3-4 days, okay or a bit below par 2 days, then pretty good or awesome 1-2 days. And this has been the breakdown pattern for 3 DECADES of my life! How can any human work any job, let alone 80-90% of the jobs on the planet that are either impossible with our mindsets or we’re so miserable at or can’t keep up with tasks, that were done with in days, weeks, or months??? Then you factor in so many interests and abilities that come so easy and natural for me and any one of them could earn big money and status with just a lucky break or perfect timing. It’s a frustrating, demoralizing, endless hell of a lifestyle to live. Ironically I have a great work ethic, very strong track record with positive comments from employers but little do any of these past jobs realize the torture it was to be there every day and do “good” when my mind is in lala land thinking of movie ideas, song ideas, planning my “dream life”…all on top of ADD with depression, anxiety…some of us literally CAN’T WORK A JOB. I’ve taught music, didn’t like it, felt trapped with hyper kids. Plus being self taught at EVERYTHING I do good at it’s weird to have to teach people when I’m like “Hey if it comes natural just roll with it.” How many humans can ski moguls? Let alone good, and within about 3 seasons skiing as a teen I was already in the mogul fields every time up on the slopes; by far the most demanding activity on snow, and for me it was kinda “easy” to get good at it, and same with drums! Not many humans have the 4 limb coordination to handle drums, yet it came natural to me over a quick period of time and I can chew gum and watch TV while playing shows at bars! I pass every audition I try for in music, I’ve performed comedy and never bombed, even after hardly “rehearsing” my routine, hosted TV/Radio shows, and constantly get comments from friends, co-workers, strangers I talk with that “You should be in entertainment; hosting, comedy, or something for sure.” (And usually they don’t even know about my other skills that are all “Hollywood worthy”.) It’s almost like I shouldn’t “have” to work any basic job! But it’s creative/entertainment based interests/talents which is the one industry with no guarantees no matter what the talent, perseverance, attitude put into it. Any other talent or profession on the planet at least you have a chance to make a living at it or get rewarded for hard work and abilities in that field, not entertainment. Point being is I’m SO SICK of hearing “delusions of grandeur” as the main reaction to us “big dreamers”. It’s not delusional at all, everything I’m good at has already been done and there’s THOUSANDS of others making a living at it. Look at the Pet Rock, I’m sure everyone thought that guy was delusional, yet he makes millions out of this idea then I’m sure he was then referred to as brilliant, only after success was achieved. Most conformist cookie cutters are delusional to think that these big Hollywood dreams are delusional. NO, it’s called needing a connection or lucky break or money to “buy” our way to success, not for lack of efforts, talents, or any delusions at all. Trust me I’ve been in the entertainment industry most of my life and it’s a crap shoot like none other, and this sucks because no other job I’ve ever worked works for me. I do my best, some jobs I tolerate or kind of enjoy but always burn out, or can’t keep up, or even get up on time…the typical ADD BS. So it boils down to suicidal thoughts and ideation. You get to a point (especially at my age, 46) where you just can’t keep living in this cycle! Being nearly broke all my adult life with a college degree? Parents basements, job after job, band after band I’m in/out of and STILL nothing has worked out? I STILL need that “lucky break” just to live a fulfilling life doing something I’m more than worthy and capable of, yet it’s creative avocations that mostly go unnoticed, or the small percentage that do “make it” get way over-praised and worshiped as “gifted geniuses”, while the rest of us are “delusional dreamers”. It’s MADDENING, and ironically I’m thinking my purpose in life and a perfect “career” would be giving public speeches for ADD and mental disability conferences; making it more prevalent by adding in my comical outlook, skills of musician by starting and/or ending the talk with a drum/percussion solo jam while showing slides of my photography AND having a merch booth selling my books, t-shirts, stickers I’ve created. Is this delusional? NO, but with severe mental issues (ADDepression) you can’t keep a balanced life week to week to even achieve this practical obtainable “career”. We need our hands held and asses kicked EVERY DAY, and that’s called a life/career coach or agent/manager which costs HUNDREDS of dollars a month! Yet we can’t work any job or earn enough to barely make payments on bills, so how do we ever advance our lives without proper money or connections in the first place??? You need money to get the proper help or even make the right connections! Trust me, I’ve been advertising, networking, attending all kinds of seminars, meetup groups…when you don’t have $$$ up front to offer people they back out of any agreement, even if it mutually benefits both parties involved. Again this is all MADDENING, ASININE.