Reply To: Spouse is Sick of the daily grind how do I help?

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#71702
breckmurray
Participant

For me, the combination of ADHD emotional flooding and a distrust of authority stemming from a traumatic childhood meant I got fired more than I quit. At least I could usually collect unemployment.

The first 2 steps to dealing with those problems were:
1. Medication–I have a comorbid condition that requires I take mood stabilizers. They also help with my flooding.
2. Therapy–Someone to not only listen to me, but also to lovingly hold me accountable has helped. Further, I gain tools to help focus on a solution instead of obsessing about the problem.

Some of the things I did and do to deal with boredom and restlessness:
1. Take on additional duties, within reason, at the job. It sounds like the failure of the other attempt at cross-training may have been because the duties weren’t right for him. I think it’s worth another try.
2. I’m a writer who is trying to get published and write a book. So, I write whenever I just can’t focus on the mundane anymore, as well as trying to keep a schedule. After 16 years, I still love it. I have day jobs for support. I even have an app on my iPhone to write anytime inspiration strikes.
3. I make sure I make time for fun things. Does he play with your daughter? Or play in any other way? I know that’s important for me. The positive side of being highly creative and sensitive is that I like doing kid stuff. A bottle of bubbles and a little space, and I feel happy and more content. I think we ADHD-ers forget to just relax, be, and play. We get so caught up in trying to adult in the neurotypical world that we neglect our inner children.
4. Finally, that good ol’ cure-all, exercise. For example, I also went back to school as a non-traditional adult. My alma mater has a lot of woodland acreage, as well as a wildflower and bird trail. I would walk around the trail, taking pictures, and exploring the different paths. Once I was tired, I’d hike back to my apartment, feeling relaxed.

You sound super-supportive, which is great, but you don’t need to come up with ideas for him. He’s a grown-up. He needs to do it for himself. If you have to get a little tough with him about sticking with the current job, do so. You are no good to him or your daughter if you’re burned out with supporting the family in every way without reciprocal support.