Reply To: Challenges at school with a parent.. Can someone do this?

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Parents Behavior & Discipline Challenges at school with a parent.. Can someone do this? Reply To: Challenges at school with a parent.. Can someone do this?

#71274
TaurusMoon
Participant

Wow…this is my first time hearing about a family going so far as to seek a restraining order against a family/child. I am sorry that this has escalated to this point!

My son is also 10 yo and in the 4th grade. Last year, he was going through hell as he is the type of personality that if someone comes for him, he will lash out in self defense. At the time, he and two other boys were each other’s own worst enemy. First recess they would be bffs, by lunch recess it was war. Although my son responds to being provoked, he is not one to provoke others. Because he is ADHD hyperactive/impulsive, he gives a big show when someone does provoke him, as these boys tended to do. My son’s huge emotional response often left him being “the man caught holding the gun.”

One instance of fighting led to everyone getting in trouble, another instance where one of the boys scratched my son and provoked him by trying to exclude him from reading circle, my son got an in school suspension because he scratched back hard enough to draw blood. The other boy got a “talking to.” A few weeks later the same boy called my son a “slave and a nazi” and received a “talking to.” From what I understand, my son was the only child in the class that school year to receive a large punishment such as a suspension.

A particularly disappointing incident last year was when my son was twirling a stick around at recess. A good female friend of his got too close and was hit in the eye with the stick. I had already told the school/teacher that I was in Seattle for work so please reach out to dad with big issues. Instead I found myself between meetings responding to a lengthy email about how my son had hit a girl with a stick and had to receive a talking to. Mind you, this was after almost a full year of emotional outbursts and the school was “all hands on deck” to handle the “tornado that is my son.” I am not too proud to say when my son has done wrong and this was not the time. Given the circumstances, I knew it was an accident, but the girl was advised to stay away from my son.

Unfortunately for our children big reactions are tangible to school staff. The kids who start poop with your child “under the radar” stay under the radar as your kiddo heads to the chopping block. Nevermind that your child was provoked, nevermind that your child is feeling targeted. “You need to get your kid under control” is the message that is sent your way.

This is not to say that our kids should be able to haul off carte blanche. We have had to work with our son for endless hours about not giving a provoker what they want- a reaction. In your case, perhaps a meeting with the parents with the school as the mediator would be useful to get an understanding of why this family wants a restraining order. Schools seem reluctant to host such meetings since tensions can run high, but since the family’s response is very serious, I think a meeting would be reasonable.

Good luck to you all…

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by TaurusMoon.