To the Non-ADHD partner from another Non-ADHD partner,
You live in an emotional house-of-mirrors governed by ADHD. You can never know how your ADHD partner actually perceives things and what motivated them at a particular time. Your non-ADHD conception of reality does not match your ADHD partner’s conception of reality but you are still tasked with making everything work everyday in the real world. You can spend years researching ADHD and its symptoms but the person who is in charge of accepting and implementing an ADHD treatment plan has ADHD. Sometimes you may feel progress is being made in managing some symptoms of ADHD but the morphing specter of ADHD and co-morbid conditions is always there. Your ADHD partner may not acknowledge the various frantic things you do to ‘make everything work’ and may even scorn your attempts to make the problems visible to your ADHD partner.
And also you may have children with ADHD.
Do the best you can.