Reply To: Teen son-? Functional Adult

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I was also very frustrated with all the things you mentioned and for a very specific reason. Because of my ADD, I lack coordination & especially fine motor coordination. Anything physical from sports to musical instruments started out being fun — until I hit the inevitable wall and everyone else continued to improve, leaving me behind, feeling stupid. I’d avoid pushing him into those areas. However, you mentioned that he’s good in math and science. I’d look into local robotics clubs. He could excel there, without being hampered by motor issues. Also, if he’s good in social studies, he might enjoy getting involved in something like a local political campaign. Having something he excels at and enjoys may make school more bearable for him.

I wouldn’t allow him to refuse to go to school, however. I would have refused to go to school if I could have gotten away with it. There were times when I actually considered suicide because I felt it would be better than going to school.To this day, the sight of a school bus gives me an unpleasant chill. But, as an adult, I’m glad I wasn’t allowed to get away with not going, because the world is a tough place for those of us with ADD, and I don’t think we do kids any favors by letting them think they can use it as an excuse to get out of life’s requirements. As an adult, he’s not going to be able to just not show up for work, or not do the work assigned to him because it’s boring. If he wants to get into a career he enjoys, it probably will require a degree, and that means showing up for classes he doesn’t enjoy, and completing assignments. It’s much harder to learn those lessons as an adult, if we’ve learned as children or teens that because we have ADD we don’t have to do things we don’t want to do.