I am an adult with ADD but of course I had it all my life. My teen years were nightmarish. I am 69 now. The word that comes to share with you is “Flooding”. I remember walking into the junior high and high school and being overwhelmed and flooded with energy. Teen energy is very high/strong/frantic. I still suffer when I enter these zones, even with understanding, counseling, medication, life experience. I have deep compassion for the girl I was back then in Olympia, Washington!
Looking back, what would have helped would be a cocoon environment. (Like, who is kidding whom?). Had I been able to go into a greenhouse full of crystals and a beautiful fountain and flowers…with a gentle one-on-one teacher…well you get the idea. Modern school is PRESSURE, from every side to perform, to be pretty, popular, to belong,
to be hip, to have all the best social skills. A true nightmare. I suspect in this modern world, I’d likely be closer to feeling suicidal than I felt back then as merely exhausted, unhappy, lonely, misunderstood and depressed.
If you possibly can provide a gentle environment, with compassion and heart, do so. I’ve recently found a lot of help with a phone app called Vital Tones. They have a unit for ADD (and other mental disorders). Its less than $10 and you listen to it with a certain protocol over time and it seems to be helping smooth out some of the bumps.
Also look into Sensory Processing Disorder. There are books on this. I created a safe space in my closet…where I can “hide out” in the dark, with blankets on the floor and just “let it all go”. You might also look into a Gravity Blanket (they sell them on line)…which is a weighted blanket. I’ve made my own and also a weighted vest. Many of our symptoms are similar to autistic children. (See the movie Temple Grandin for more info on this). We need to retreat. Your child is signaling, “I NEED TO RETREAT” and you’re trying to pressure me to go as a “Skinless wonder” into the fire of life! Please pull back the pressure and let them regroup from the harshness of the world. I suspect you think this is silly, but it may prevent them from sinking even further into other solutions you’d like even less including alcohol, drugs, or suicide. Just saying. If any of your kids want to email me I’ll hear them out. I work as an alternative counselor. firstname.lastname@example.org