There were many, many times before medication when I would go from zero to 60 without any space of time to intercept the response. I had zero control. I had a toolbox of alternative behaviours, self talk, reminders, etc. But there wasn’t even a tiny space to react in a controlled manner.
I felt beyond awful for my behaviour and inability to control it.
It sounds like your son loves you and wants to be a good kid but he sees his reactions as failure. He doesn’t want to be this way but he isn’t able to control it. I suggest you work to find ways to let him know that this isn’t who he is, and you are with him and strong enough to be there, strong enough to see this isn’t him and you do not see this behaviour as a reflection of who he is.
Make it clear that it’s his brain and not his heart that is taking over.
When a person is good, knows how to be good, values being good, and wants to be good, this behaviour is disliked, embarrassing, and his inability to control it yells weakness and failure.
When I finally got the right prescription I didn’t have these out of body, ugly, outbursts anymore. I started being able to live up to the expectations I had for myself. And stopped feeling the depression, regret and failure to show my family the love they deserved.
He is young and can work on these responses. There are so many ways to slow his body down just enough to help him control this, sometimes. Food was a big one for me.
Less sugar, caffeine, and heavy foods helped me.
Exercise can be a great way to handle the after effects of outbursts.
Anyway, take heart, it sounds like you are a great mom and you have a supportive family. Just keep loving him and staying steady. It helps his heart, even if it doesn’t seem like it helps with his behaviour.
Feeling unconditionally loved growing up saved me. I didn’t have much opportunity to work in my issues but I was better able to ride it out knowing I was loved by those around me even when I couldn’t love myself