I have a 10 year old son and understand exactly what you are talking about – I hate thinking that he is constantly being “held back” and “told no” and asked to “stop this and that” … Sometimes I’ve found the best thing to do to help him release and have fun is to play with me – find a field and grab a soccer ball and just play without any major rules – chase after him and let him chase you … grab nerf guns and bring those along too … Not only does he need that energy outlet but also craves the one in one positive time with me. I find anything where there are other kids can be good- but he is always the one going too far, jumping on kids, being too intense – and with siblings it’s the same – with me – I don’t have to worry about anyone else but him – about having fun- and about doing something positive together.
(I have not found boyscouts to be the type of unstructured fun release I feel you are looking for. He is a scout. But I still feel it is so organized and structured and you are asking more for just a chance to get a little “crazy” :)! )