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Your motives are admirable, but I think that you are focusing on the wrong thing. You say, “I don’t want her managing me and my children with ADHD. It will ease her life.” Your spouse should not have to manage you. You should learn to manage yourself in life before you get married. It will ease her life considerably if you don’t marry her until you do so. There are men who learn to manage their ADHD in away that does not put a heavy burden on their spouse. But I am a firm believer that men with unmanaged ADHD have no business marrying (and you can reverse the gender). They become an extreme burden on their spouses, and the situation becomes nearly unbearable when children are born. These women essentially end up raising children with someone who behaves like a child. Yes, I am speaking from experience, and my husband’s symptoms are not severe (but not managed). I have also read stories of others. If I did not have two children to raise and a demanding job, I would spend time speaking to young women and warning them to avoid these men, who may seem very romantic at first. The fact that you are concerned about your future spouse puts you ahead of the pack; many men deny the effect that their symptoms have on others. Your concern can likely serve as a strong motivation to learn to manage your symptoms before you marry someone.