Here are some idea that have worked for us, maybe we can get more ideas going:
Overall I try to mix it up and make sure that our son always feels like he is moving on to something new, different, better.
OT and Therapy Group – Perfect for non perfection. We relax all the rules on those days and make them relaxing and special. We want our son to get the most from therapy, so we don’t plan any other taxing events on that day.
Playdates: We have playdates at our house so we can keep a close eye on our son. We keep them short, and try to have a playdate with as many different classmates as possible. Rotating the kids helps to avoid “ruts” and allows for fun but applies a little pressure to treat each guest well.
Cub Scouts: Cub Scouting does not emphasize perfection, and we roll with it. Getting out and camping, and being able to tromp through the trees without a lot of rules (Mom!) is a lot of fun. We went with a pack that does not focus on uniform compliance and strict rule following.
Church: We found a “playing church” that engages the kids in a lot of lively play. We want him to feel like he can be himself at church… so we pick one that is large… and not attended by kids from his school. The church is large enough that quirky behavior gets lost in the crowd, and things are so lively.. he is more inclined to let something go so he doesn’t miss out on the fun.
Camps and child care: We look for variety and offerings that other kids from school might attend. All too often people say “oh I know your child” with a knowing look. This has become our signal to “check out”. However well meaning, it signals to us that they feel they know him from the past.. and his behavior improves so rapidly these people hold him back.