Home › Welcome to the ADDitude Forums › For Adults › Emotions & Shame › I don't know how to tell my parents I failed this semester › Reply To: I don't know how to tell my parents I failed this semester
You are not stupid.
You have nothing to be ashamed of.
You are exactly as God meant you to be and you are here for a reason and purpose.
Everyone experiences setbacks. They are given to us to teach us how to move forward, help other and be even better than we would have been without them. This is your moment. When you address these issues you will be catapulted forward beyond anything you dreamed possible, so go through this struggle with courage.
Become and expert on ADD: Read Dr.Daniel Amen’s books available on Amazon, go to your University counseling center, continue to read this website, read read read
Become an expert on yourself: gain as much insight into yourself as you possibly can – and accept yourself. ADD was given to you and nothing to be ashamed of.
Get away from anything/one who is toxic to your development: Drugs, alcohol and the like are not an option for you as they damage your struggling brain and emotions.
Seek counseling at the University and get support, with the GOAL being to help you and to tell your parents of your problems after you have organized a plan to solve it. Perhaps the University can help, advise or support you in this.
You are a young adult and do not have to reveal everything about your personal life with you parents. Make sure that you are telling them for a purpose not just to unload your guilt and shame. That is not helpful and the burden may make it difficult for them. You can always tell them in time, but the pressing matter now is your school work so I would focus on that issue. (Unless you have an addiction)
Ask yourself what do they really need to know?:
• Failing school: YES they need to know this
• BiSexual: Not so much– or at least not now
• Drug/Alcohol Use: IF YOU NEED REHAB THEN YES, if not then maybe NO, just stop doing all drugs and alcohol, they are not an option for you
Write them a letter telling them everything on your mind. Don’t hold back – write it all down. Then before you send it wait a week and rewrite it deciding what it really needs to contain. Tell them its coming, don’t let it surprise them. A letter is powerful because it gives them time to react privately, reflect on their feelings, recall things from the past that square up with what you are telling them, you get to speak uninterrupted and go into details that may not emerge in person,
Say “Mom, I’m having some problems. I need your help but I don’t know how to tell you everything so I have written you a letter. Everything in it is 100% true and I hope you will forgive me for any disappointment it may cause you. I love you and need your help.”
OR – One More Option
Tell them in person: Stick to the academics and tell them about the ADD only and have a plan ready to propose to them. Tell them that the ADD has caught up with you at the University level and it is no longer working to be unmedicated and unassisted. Tell them you tried your best but you need help. Your approach can still include supplements, nutrition, exercise, AND medication which perhaps as an adult will worry your Mother less than it did when you were 11. Present them with Dr. Daniel Amen’s book on ADD, or other supporting research and ask them to read it. Present them with your specific plan to solve this problem and ask for their support. This shows them that you have done the work of coming up with a solution, you are not placing that burden on them. Offer to pay them back for the failed semester once you graduate and get a job. This is a sign of respect and self-reliance.
Your mother was born to help you succeed but how you approach her matters.