Reply To: Frustrated, sad, depressed

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#67643
daisyrowley
Participant

Your child might be depressed, or you might be the person she vents to. I know that my daughter often talks to me about things that bothered her during the day near bedtime — there’s something about relaxing for bed that makes her more vulnerable to things that disturbed her. I don’t make too many global statements but just try to listen and sympathise. I remember she had one friend she complained about all the time, and I wondered if it was a good friendship. At some point she told me she didn’t talk to me about the ways the friendship was fun, just about the parts that bothered her. I suspect that your son is fine with the good parts of the day, and needs to talk about the rest of it. You might want to try just listening for a week or two and see what happens. If he’s happy during the day, learning and getting along well with others it doesn’t seem likely he’s depressed. My understanding is that depression would effect his in more ways than in needing to vent to his mother.

For example, when my daughter goes to bed at night, after our routine, she decides to tell me how awful her day had been because of the ”bad” thing that happened earlier in the day. Maybe she ”lost” her favorite toy, but really it was misplaced, and she found it. She focuses on the ”losing” part of the story, instead of the ”finding” part. An incident that lasted maybe 5 minutes in an otherwise perfectly good day defines her day as ”awful” or ”really bad.” Nevermind all the good things that happened that day. I tell her to think about those things, ie. she got to go to the movies that day and see ”Wall-E.” Instead of focusing on the treat that was going to the movies, she said that part of the movie was ”sad” and that made her feel sad. I put my hands up in frustration! She’s always been sensitive, but was really a happy kid. She does well in school, has TONS of friends and play dates. Her friends parents love her and are always telling me how lovely she is to have around. How come I never see this behavior? What’s changed? Recently, I too have been feeling a little depressed and stressed. Is she simply mirroring my behavior and not really depressed? I don’t know what else to think….