I really feel for you and your son – judgmental people are the worst! I’m getting a lot of judgement thrown at me by my son’s principal right now and I hate it and want to explode.
As for your son’s future… I would give him some time to mature. Whether or not he does homework on his own is not an indicator of future success 🙂 . The important thing is to find and cultivate his talents.
My son is a freshman in high school and is very talented in computer programming and mathematics. His stepdad and I have essentially encouraged him to embrace his talents and pass (as in pass the class) the rest. I have learned not to offer criticism and instead offer support. I have researched paths to college and nobody tells you this but the “kill yourself in HS-nail the SAT-apply to a million colleges” is no longer the only path to a university. My son is going to junior college for two years which only requires a basic skills test in order to attend. He will receive academic support in junior college and if he gets an associate’s degree he will be accepted into any state university with a full credit transfer. No SAT required. He’ll get extra time to hone his academic skills in a less stressful environment and can space out his classes over more than two years. Then he can get his bachelor’s degree.
The fact that we have sat down as a family and discussed these issues and made a basic plan has given him so much confidence. He feels empowered and is eager to move on and get a job and a home of his own. Even if your kiddo is young it’s never too early to talk about interests, career options, and plans for the future.