Have you read Ross Greene’s The Explosive Child, or his new book, Raising Human Beings? Both outline how to manage ODD and inflexibility and intensity effectively. There is hope.
You can also listen to a free replay of a webinar he did with ADDitude on ODD here:
He is very much on the same page that rewards don’t work for kids with ODD (and many other challenging conditions), and punishments don’t either. His website has lots of free resources as well at http://livesinthebalance.org.
Here’s more on ODD as well:
There was a fairly recent study that showed stimulant medication coupled with Risperdal was the most effective treatment for ADHD and ODD in kids.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism