It is very important to take care of yourself first. Treatment for your own anxiety and depression is critical. Taking time for yourself for some respite is important too.
Then, work on implementing some structure in the evenings at home, including some quiet alone time for you. The structure will help to alleviate some of the chaos and unknown, making it easier to cope with.
These ideas could help as well:
ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Mentor on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism