Reply To: 20 years of treatment failure: is there hope?

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#62203
Ram
Participant

Hi 2weelz,

You have just described me precisely. We have so much in common. I am 57, male. Got diagnosed 23 years back and since then I am on medication – Ritalin, Adderall, Vyvance or their cousin. And I have had only medicated sleep since then. My ADHD traits appeared to help me in my younger years. I was called intelligent, great sense of humor, thinking outside the box, blah, blah, etc.

While I still have all those ‘good’ traits, the baggage of the ‘bad’ symptoms has been unbearable. I am just so frozen, everything is a chore for me. Taking a shower is a big project for me.

I have tried 10-day Vipassana silent meditation retreats several times. Tried isolation tanks/sensory deprivation tanks. Even been to Peru for psychedelic Ayahuasca tours couple of times. Listened to Eckhart Tolle’s audiobooks hundreds of times. Have dozens of yoga videos. Yes, I have listened to the audiobook FOCUSED FORWARD: NAVIGATING THE STORMS OF ADULT ADHD written by James Ochoa several times. Great book, but my ADHD is even greater!

Your line that resonates with me so well is – “It seems like with the behavioral stuff, like coaching, meditation, and exercise, I don’t have the baseline neurological function to even apply it.”

Nobody understands me. Family, friends, relatives, none. I am just a lazy bum for everyone. I have just one friend who has known me for 40 years and understands me, but cannot sell my case to my family and relatives. Nobody understands the concept of hyper focus, perpetual anxiety, a very elastic sense of time and so on. Everything that can possibly go wrong in life has been going wrong.

I have a masters degree in computer science from an elite college, but that means nothing at this point. I haven’t been working for some years. I have a decent physical health, but I am just a vegetable for most practical purposes. I have been abandoned by my family and relatives, because nobody understands my condition.

I think my brain is badly broken. All the so called dopamine rewards centers appear to have atrophied. If a brain scan is taken now, I am sure, it may appear like a honeycomb.

I just don’t know how to prime the pump to turn my life around. I too just don’t have the baseline neurological function to reboot my life.

2weelz, I feel your pain. Hang in there, buddy. We will figure it out. One step at a time.

-Ram

Here is a joke, aka motivational quote, to cheer you up: 🤓

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“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs