No answers for you, but here’s another sympathy vote. Feel exactly the way you do. In fact, I used to study Aikido. Although I cannot explain why, I found that many ADHDers gravitate towards Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. It’s the perfect subject matter for hyper-focus, I suppose. Just something you might wish to check out as an aside.
Anyway, you described my life. Just about 50 years of this mess. Meds have been of little help.
I will say this, however: I recently saw a British study that showed the low threshold for ADHD impulse control can be reversed via neurofeedback. I was skeptical until I saw the methods used and looked at the research results. It’s a way of reprogramming the brain by training yourself to naturally focus. It’s quite brilliant, actually, and involves playing video games that react to your level of focus.
Studies showed the theta waves were in the normal range following treatments. ADHDers normally have higher amplitude and longer wavelengths in theta. Therefore, less processing occurs in the prefrontal cortex before traveling to the limbic system. After the neurofeedback, theta waves are consistently of higher wavelength and lower amplitude.
Haven’t yet given neurofeedback a shot because I’m trying to first deal with comorbid ADHD issues of greater concern (depression+). Perhaps you will consider looking into it. Best of luck.